Understanding

After I posted "Rollercoaster" several people e-mailed and called to share their concern and sympathy...it was a hard week. Thanks to all of you I talked to. It was also amazing to me that several people who hadn't read the blog came up to me at church and said, "you know I was thinking about you a lot this week. How was your week?" Its incredible to me how God really provides for us when we need him, and I appreciate how he uses all of us to do his work.

Its been a while since I last posted, probably because these last two weeks have been a rollercoaster in their own right. But along the way have been some highlights. Two weeks ago we had our regional "walk through" where officials from the region came by to check that we had everything up on our walls and talked to our students to see what they were learning. It was a good day. Stressful, but good. That week I stayed really late, working on my room and planning lessons. And it paid off--when they came into my room we were doing guided reading the way the lit specialist had wanted and when they asked a student a question, she answered well. Earlier this week I saw my lit specialist and she gave me my second compliment of they year, "you did a good job." Short and sweet, but from her, it was a big deal.

Another plus is that I'm finally starting to understand my students...last week I was driving home and found myself angry, really angry. I realized that I've been angry for a while--angry with my students that they're not behaving, with my school for its lack of organization and discipline, and angry in general that things are so darn hard and it seems there's nothing I can do about it. I realized that if I was angry, my students probably were to. So the next day, I gave them a journaling assignment in the morning. "What makes you angry?" was the question. Here are some of the responses:

"What makes me angry is when some one come up to me and just say something out of order."

"When people grap me face. If hurt when people grab my face."

"What makes me angry is when somebody lie on me and do something I don't like I can't stand when someone hit me."

"Siting in the class and classmates disobeying the teacher, that's what make me angry. Can't get through a lesson in school without someone talking through it. What's what make me really angry."

"The stuff that makes me mad is ignorant kids that ain't got no sense. I'm talking about the kids that cuss outrageously wrong in front of adults. I mean I'm talking about the kids that want to fight for no reason. P.S. they want they but wooped, they aka P_____."

I realized that my students are alot like me, they get angry for the same reasons (and p.s. some of these were hilarious, I didn't edit them except to take out that last name=) They want to learn, they want to be respected. I also realized that they've been angry. Despite some spelling and grammatical errors, this is some of the best writing I've gotten. Almost all of my students remembered to restate the question in their answer and they stayed on topic. I realized they can do well when they care about what they're doing. My challenge now is to tap into what they care about.

Since that revelation, things have gotten a little better. My patience has expanded a little and I've been quicker to realize that maybe there is something bigger behind their misbehavior than mischief. My classroom is a work in progress, but at least they're progressing.

But even with that revelation things have been hard--this week brought up issues with students dealing with sexual abuse, domestic violence, ADHD, and violent behaviors and led to several meetings with the counselor, social worker, and parents. And a friend reminded me that many of these "battles" are spiritual and I need people praying for my students, the school, and myself. If you would like to join my prayer team by choosing a day of the week to pray, please shoot me an e-mail and I'd love to send you regular prayer updates.